“And there was none of that!”
As we walk in God’s wisdom over decades, we can forget that Kingdom wisdom isn’t widely known! What a treat it is to see the wide-eyed delight when a person receives a new divine insight!
Recently we taught at a leadership conference and, in the afternoon session, presented our teaching called “Effective Forgiveness”. Bobby bravely volunteered in front of the group, to process some very deep betrayal, pain and anger towards his sister.
A key piece that makes this method so effective is checking in with the person’s heart level willingness.
Every Christian will say, “I want to forgive”, because in their ‘head’ they know it’s the right thing to do, but most of the time their heart is not in agreement because of past hurts, disappointments, etc. When our ‘head’ and our ‘heart’ are not in agreement, “forgiveness” will be ineffective.
(James 1:6 double-minded)
Therefore, we check with their heart & ask: “do you feel any hesitation at the thought of forgiving this person’s offenses?”
Very common hesitations sound like this: It feels true for my heart that if I cancel their debts and release my anger,
-It will mean it wasn’t important!
-I will be unprotected. My anger protects me!
-I will have to trust them again.
-It will indicate their behavior was acceptable!
When the heart believes a bad outcome will result from forgiving, the ‘will’ chooses not to forgive to protect themselves! Only God can renew heart level beliefs (Rom 12:2) and that’s what He did for Bobby! Now at a place of willingness, with his heart and head in agreement, Bobby received the grace to forgive deeply. It was beautiful & miraculous!
A day and a half later I received this text (By Permission):
Good morning, Neil, this is Bobby.
“I have a praise report. Yesterday, while we were sightseeing, Wanda asked me what my sister did that was so hurtful. I explained it to her. Ordinarily, for the last three years or so, it would’ve been accompanied by rapid heartbeat, high blood pressure and lots of anger. And there was none of that! It’s a miracle that I want to talk about!”
Now that is effective forgiveness!
To learn more, click on the videos below to view my short video series.